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Weakness? What Weakness?–Week 13 of the MFRW Blog Challenge

Simply Romance Posted on by

This week’s blog topic is “My Greatest Weakness”.

Who wants to publicly, in a blog hop, admit to a weakness?

Not me! For one thing, weaknesses can be a turn-off. Tell the truth–though you truly feel compassion for the medical lamentations of Facebook friends, you’d really rather not have them go on, and on, and on, and you really, really don’t want to see the pictures, right?

And aren’t all of us authors supposed to put our best Manolo Blahnik forward on social media? (Or in my case, my best FitFlop or Asics?)

Right, well…I’m tempted to cop out this week and use a weakness like “I exercise too little”, or “I eat too much chocolate” but I won’t. Here’s my weakness:

I’m not Perfect

And I should be.

Which is part of a whole constellation of behaviors related to People-Pleasing.

A Verily blog post describes the syndrome quite well:

Ever since I was little, I’ve been concerned about what others think of me. Of course, everyone has some people-pleasing tendencies—who doesn’t want people to like them or make their parents proud? But for me, and for many women I know, the feeling of needing approval and not wanting to say no is pervasive—and makes us into borderline doormats.

I’m not a doormat, but I do struggle with saying “no”.

I imagine there are men who suffer from this syndrome, but it’s probably more common among women,

I think there’s something wonderful about people-pleasing women being able to go out into the workplace and abandon the dust bunnies, the unmade beds, and the older children for several hours a day. The obligation to show up at a workplace makes saying “no” to emotionally needy family and friends easier. It makes it easier to put our attention on money-generating, confidence-building tasks instead of trying to solve problems that aren’t really ours to solve.

Rule-Enforcers

But, in spite of being able to pursue careers, modern people-pleasing women don’t necessarily have it much better than those of earlier times. The cultural rule-enforcers of family/church/community have handed over their rulers, switches, and scarlet letters to cultural elites and the world-wide media. Mothers must hover like helicopters. Fashion models still have no butts. Eating carbs and red meat is verboten. And, egads, you are only allowed to drive a non-hybrid vehicle if it’s your private jet.

Oops!

That last comment veered too far into a boring political topic. Please, please don’t be offended! It’s so hard to be approved and liked by everyone. It’s so hard to be perfect, LOL!

But do hop along with my fellow MFRW authors and see what they have to say on this topic.


Images: Wikimedia commons, housewife image credited to JosephineRN28 topic.

 

 

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Weakness? What Weakness?–Week 13 of the MFRW Blog Challenge — 8 Comments

  1. I’m far from perfect. Sadly it’s something I’ve had to accept a long time ago. Saying no can be hard, but it is necessary at times, especially if people are trying to take advantage of your niceness. Again I think of Spongebob, (I clearly watch that show too much with my kids) He ordered an ‘abrasive’ side in an episode because he couldn’t say no to people. It was quite funny. You have to remember if you don’t take care of you first, you won’t be much good to those that need you. 🙂

  2. I love that abrasive side of the sponge analogy! I’m going to remember that. Thanks for taking time to comment, Meka.

  3. I’m a people-pleaser, too, and far from perfect. I think that comes partly from caring about people, which is good. It’s hard to say ‘no’ to someone you care about. I think I’ll place a Sponge-Bob abrasive side- order, too…

  4. I love this, Alina. Your are mirroring a lot of my frustrations trying to make my way through the world as a woman. I’ve grown beyond much of as I age, but it remains a an ever-present tug, something that has to be handled, something that never really goes away. Great post.

    • Thanks, Shari! You’ve described that well, an “ever-present” tug. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

  6. I liked what you said about the traditional arbiters having “handed over their rulers, switches, and scarlet letters to cultural elites and the world-wide media.” If you stayed in your kitchen baking cookies (What kind, by the way? I’m hungry) your exposure to the new arbiters would be minimized. But being a writer means making a very public statement about yourself. You’re trying to please an even larger circle of people, but also exposing yourself to more potential criticism. And nobody likes to be criticized.

  7. Hi, Ed! No cookies today. I gave them up for Lent, and actually, my husband has been making a lot of the meals lately. (Love that guy!) You’re right about authors exposing themselves to criticism. I keep reminding myself that everyone has different likes and dislikes. When I’m feeling down over a review, I go and look at Stephen King’s reviews. Even the big boys and girls get criticized!

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